Therapeutic Change

3 Chunks of Psychology That Will Help You Understand Your-self a Little Better and the Therapeutic Process

Here are 3 fundamental principles that we learn in humanistic counselling school about how humans develop and come to be how they are. Understanding these are a really great way to get you thinking about yourself, how you’re made up, and what makes you tick.

The Actualising Tendency

The first thing you need know that under pins everything else is that every human being has a driving force within them, un under current pushing them towards growth, development and their full potential. It’s called the ‘actualising tendency’. This drive is an inherent, intrinsic aspect of being alive. Every human being on the planet shares this one fundamental motivation. It’s an innate drive that is built into human nature, it’s not something that’s taught and it’s not something that can be taken away. This means that a force within us is always trying to move us toward:

-       Autonomy, becoming self-directed

-       Competence, developing their abilities

-       Authenticity, living in alignment with your true self

-       Psychological growth, greater openness, creativity, and fulfilment.

The actualising tendency is always present, but the conditions, environment, and people we’re surrounded by can impact how we grow and the direction we move in. What can happen is this actualising tendency can get layered by things that distort and block it.

When we are in the right social conditions that consist of:

-       Unconditional positive regard- complete acceptance without judgement

-       Empathy- being deeply understood by others

-       Congruence- authenticity in relationships

These positive conditions lead to a facilitative environment, allowing the actualising tendency to operate fully, and we follow a path that is in alignment to us and create a life that we have autonomously chosen with people who truly cherish us.

If you are in social conditions that consist of:

-       Conditional regard- when love and acceptance is only given to you if you meet the conditional requirements of others.

-       Introjected values- you have to live by others standards and beliefs instead of your own.

-       Incongruence- there is a difference between who you really are and who you present to others to be.

These distortions lead to all kinds of psychological problems which can show up physiologically as well as illness or tension.

Conditions of Worth

The actualising tendency drives us to be our true selves, but when love and acceptance are made conditional, the natural growth process is distorted. We call these distortions ‘conditions of worth’.

Conditions of worth are the beliefs and values we take on from external sources and begin to believe as our own. This mostly happens when we are developing as a person. For this reason, they mostly come from our primary care givers. Because we needed love and acceptance most prominently when we were young- our survival literally depended on our parents liking us- we adapted to change our behaviour, our feelings, and our actions to make sure they were more in line with the messages we received- either explicitly or implicitly- to those of the people we depended upon. During this process, we began to deny our own feelings and became increasingly disconnected to the truth of what was going on internally for us. This is the start of maladaptive behaviour, coping strategies, addiction, attachment issues, anxiety, depression, the list goes on.

If caregivers gave unconditional positive regard- “I love you for who you are” the child can trust their actualising tendency and grow authentically. If caregivers give conditional regard- “I love you only of you behave this way/ get good grades/ hide your feelings” the child starts to internalise these conditions. Conditions of worth are the rules a person adopts about when they are worthy of love, respect, or value.

These are mostly unconscious. Meaning that they become so normal so early on that by the time we are fully developed, we don’t know what beliefs are our own and what have been programmed into us.

The imposed conditions can distort or block the natural actualising tendency and instead of growing freely, the person develops incongruence (a gap between the true self and the self-concept shaped by conditions of worth). The need for our parents to like us and meet our needs supersedes our need for authenticity as a developing human, so we mould ourselves to what they want. If we don’t look at what these conditions were as children then we keep these unconscious introjections, believing they are true. We might never stop to ask if the strategies we used to survive in childhood still work for us or are even true.

So, we’ve learned that humans have within them, the capacity and ability to grow and flourish by way of their actualising tendency, but conditions of worth and incongruence can block it. This is where counselling comes in. In the counselling room, the job isn’t to “fix”, diagnose, analyse, advise, or critique the individual coming to counselling, but to provide the right relational conditions and environment that will allow their actualising tendency to do what it does without distortions. This is where the next piece of counselling theory comes in:

The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions

The necessary and sufficient conditions are what humans need to receive for therapeutic change to occur. They consist of:

Psychological Contact- A real relationship must exist between counsellor and client. Both are aware of each-other and are fully engaged with each-other and the therapeutic process.

Client Incongruence- The client is aware of the tension they are experiencing and feel motivated to seek support. They want to make a change.

Counsellor Congruence (counsellor is genuine and authentic)- The counsellor is their real selves in the therapeutic dynamic, they are open and authentic- not playing a professional role, being an ‘expert’, or imposing advice or techniques on the client.

Unconditional Positive Regard- The counsellor accepts the client fully, without judgement or conditions of worth. They value and cherish the client as they are, no matter what they bring into the space.

Empathic Understanding- The counsellor deeply understands the clients inner world and communicates this deep understanding to the client.

Perception of Empathy and Unconditional Positive Regard- The client truly feels that they are seen, heard, and deeply understood by the counsellor. They feel completely accepted and valued.

With these relational conditions in place, an environment for therapeutic change is created. The soil in which the clients actualising tendency can take root again, free from conditions of worth. The client can then explore who they truly are and what they want from life. They can begin to create their lives in a way that is in alignment with who they are and what they want to experience in their lives. The distortions and conditons or worth have been removed and the client is free to grow in the direction that is best for them.