Dysregulation & Its Very Crucial Role

When we experience upset, panic, and adrenaline coursing through our system, when we lose our temper, our moods swing, our chest tightens, and we retreat into ourselves, our natural tendency is to try to get back, as quickly as possible, to a regulated and acceptable state.

We might dismiss this part of ourselves as immature, as something that holds us back from being the capable adult we’ve spent 35 years becoming. We can beat ourselves up in a thousand different ways, growing frustrated with this part of us that feels out of control.

Now, not only are we panicked and overwhelmed, but we’ve also added a layer of guilt and regret to an already overloaded system, and a narrative of self-loathing begins to take hold.

Although distressing, these states of dysregulation carry crucial messages. They are the body’s way of trying to protect us, to find safety, and to prevent something harmful from happening.

As a practitioner, instead of getting you regulated as quickly as possible, I want to meet those dysregulated parts, the ones that have been hidden from the world. I want to make space for them, create safety for them, and understand what they need.

When this happens, your nervous system learns, in real time, that a new experience is possible. Learning to attune to your own body, and having someone else attuned to you, your emotions, and your physical sensations is fundamental to us as humans. It’s what allows us to feel safe, and from that safety, to grow.

From here, we begin to understand and untangle the messages these parts are trying to communicate, what needs to change, and what within us has been left unprocessed, repressed, or ignored, and is now asking for attention. We develop compassion for past versions of ourselves that were simply trying to help us get through, and we gently integrate them into our adult selves.

When we find ourselves dysregulated, if we can pause and listen, we begin to build trust in ourselves and in our bodies. Over time, inner conflict can turn into inner harmony and we come to understand that all parts of us are working toward the wellbeing of the whole.